What I Know Now
by Insane Oasis
Summary: Sequal to "If I had Only Known". Weird things are happening to Ami, and a strange girl shows up. dont worry, its still Ami/Makoto!
1. I would have done it all the same

Hey all, this is a sequel to "If I Had Only Known." I just want to say sorry, 'cause I haven't updated my other fics in awhile. I'll get to them ASAP. Thanx! Oh yeah, me no own Sailor Moon. So don't sue me kay?

"....." Talking '..' remembering/thinking in real-time … talking in dreams

What I Know Now

It had been years since that battle. Ami had thrown herself into school and senshi business even more then usual. She ended up graduating several years earlier from both High school and Grad School. She never saw her friends outside of them showing up to stop her from taking on too many enemies by herself. Everyone had tried to get her to open up and not be a mindless suicidal working drone. But they ended up giving up, and just showed up to stop her from being killed. 

Ami slowly went into her apartment and shut the door behind her. Sighing, she dropped hr stuff on the floor without a thought, and shuffled over to fall onto her couch. Closing her eyes she drifted off into a scream filled sleep. It was the same dream she'd been having since…then. 

'Watching as the Youma took to the air, the shock of being hit from the side. The sinking feeling of doom as she felt something snap and suddenly vanish from her chest. Opening her eyes and seeing the vacant stare of her lover and better half...Knowing that her life would be hell for the rest of her eternally damned lifespan.' 

'Sometimes life just sucks.'

Ami woke to the sound of voices. Or at least, she thought they were. Sitting up she clutched her sheet to her chest, in her panicked state forgetting she fell asleep on the couch, eyes wide open and looking for an attacker. When one didn't immediately pop out, she relaxed her shoulders slightly. She lay down again and closed her eyes. Just as she was about to drift off back to sleep again, two things entered her sleep-deprived brain. One: She was in bed when she went to sleep on the couch. Two: She could hear the voices again. Her eyes shot open, the voices sounded so damn familiar. She just couldn't place them exactly. She slowly got out of bed, and hugged her buttoned up pajama top to her body. Slipping her feet into her deep green slippers, she shuffled out of her bedroom and into the hallway of her small apartment.

Looking into the other bedroom, she saw that it was undisturbed. Hearing the voices behind her, she turned quickly. Seeing nothing she slowly walked down the moonlight lit hallway. She slowly glanced into the living room. Nothing was out of place, nothing but…. Ami walked over to the small table by the door. Her bag. Her bag that she dropped on the floor was now on the table. She remembered with a small sob, that her love always used to do that. Put Ami's bag on the table so that the floor was clean. 

Two tracks of tears slowly formed unnoticed on Ami's face. A light turned on behind her and, Ami spun around, the words of her attack died on her lips. The kitchen light was on. Who? Ami walked over to the opening that was the doorway to the kitchen. Looking in, she stifled a gasp. Standing there, was not only a younger version of herself, but also Ami's soul mate, Makoto, as well. The two ethereal figures paid no attention to the soul-broken woman who slid to the floor in tears. They continued to talk and laugh in voices that were strangely muted. 

Ami watched in fascination and horror as she relived a seen from her past.

'"Hey Mako! Let's go take a walk!" Her younger ghostly self said. The ghost figure of Makoto gave a sigh as she smiled, "Oh man, Ami. It's raining. Why do you always want to take a walk when it's raining?" The ghost Ami pouted and released her hold on her lover's arm. "Because I love the rain, and I love walking with you. Why can't we go walking in the rain? Please? Just this once?" Makoto sighed, "That's what you said last time. But if you really want to…"'

The real Ami watched as her younger almost carefree self squeal in delight and pull the other figure towards the door. Ami let out a sob, and buried her face in her hands. Eventually, she cried herself to sleep.

Ami woke up in her bed, again. The covers were pulled firmly up to her chin. Another pang of sadness raced through her heart, this time multiplied by two. This is how she used to wake up if she fell asleep on the couch. Mako would laugh and tell Ami that she was getting to old to carry the smaller senshi to bed…

What the hell is going on here? Ami thought angrily to herself. Remembering what happened last night, another tear escaped from behind Ami's eyes. Frustrated, she sat and wiped it away. Getting out of bed she went to take a hot shower to try and ease the tension that had built up between her shoulders.

Letting the steaming water pour onto her neck and back, Ami thought about what was happening. Her stuff, the ghosts, waking up in bed… she needed to talk to Setsuna. Which would be hard, as the last time she saw the Outer senshi, she had basically told them to shove off, and that she didn't want to ever see them again. "Damnit! Why is this happening now!? Why is this happening at all!?" She hit the wall, not caring about the tears that were falling down her face, or that the wall tiles split and cracked. She closed her eyes and sobbed. Feeling something behind her, she opened her eyes and quickly turned around. Slipping on the blood and porcelain on the bottom of the tub, she fell back and hit her head on the wall. Merciful blackness entered her consciousness, her last memory was of a flash of brown, and a soft voice that felt and sounded so familiar.

' "Come on! Were gonna be late! The girls are gonna be mad!'  
What? Is this?

  
"Alright, alright! I'm ready lets go!"  
Mako? What's going on? 

  
"Do you have the tickets?"  
Hello? Can anyone hear me? 

  
"Check."  
Please! This isn't funny! 

  
"Do you have the blankets and the basket?"  
Why this? Why this memory? 

  
"Double check."  
Why am I seeing this? Is this some sort of torture? Why? 

  
"You got the video tapes, camcorder, and the fuzzy pink handcuffs?"  
…………. 

  
"Che-..."  
Am I dead? Is this a hell? Making me see what I want the most? Cause if it is I just say you can stick it up you're a-

  
"^_^*"  
BECAUSE YOU HAVE TOO.

  
"Your mean, Mako."  
Because I have to? What?

  
"But you love me anyway, right?"  
BECAUSE IF YOU DON'T FACE THE PAST, YOU CAN'T MOVE INTO THE FUTURE. 

  
"....... Yes. But your still sleeping on the couch tonight."  
What? Are you on some sort of crack? 

  
"Awww, you know I was only joking Ami."  
FACE THE PAST, TO SEE THE FUTURE. THAT'S ALL I'M SAYING. 

  
"...... Let's go..."  
What? What do you mean? 

  
"Awww man...." '

'Ami…. Wake up Ami….'

What is this? 

"Ami, wake up."

"No, don't wanna."

"You have too."

"Go wake the hedgehogs up."

"……. Huh?"

"Leave me 'lone."

"Can't do that love, you have a-"

Ami bolted up into a sitting position. She immediately grabbed her head and moaned in pain. Hearing a soft chuckle, she looked up through tears of pain.

"Mako?"

And then she fell back into the inky blackness.

END PART ONE


	2. I would have still loved you

See chapter 1 for Disclaimer. Sorry for the wait. I'll try to get the next chappie out soon!

Ami was sleeping fitfully, dreaming of past times with her love, some were hot and heavy, others were light and sweet, and some just were plain confusing. 

'"What do you suppose we'll do when there is nobody left to fight?"

"I don't know. I guess we'll all be busy with Crystal Tokyo and stuff."

"Do you think we'll stay here?"

"Again, I don't know. I mean Mina might go back to England for awhile. You'll most likely get accepted to some prestigious school, Rei's got the temple so she has to stay. Usagi and Mamoru are most likely staying here, and I don't know about the Outers."

"And you? What are you going to do?"

"…"

"Mako?"

"I guess it all depends."

"On what?"

"On lots of things I guess. I may go to a cooking school. I may open a bakery. I may do lots of things. I may just go someplace away from all of this. I seem to be the senshi without a preset course in life."  


"What do you mean by that?"

"You want to be a doctor, Minako's gonna be an idol, Usagi and Chibi-Usa are gonna rule Crystal Tokyo, Rei's got the temple, Haruka's got racing, Michiru's got her concerts, and Hotaru's going to be a nurse. All I have is my cooking and my flowers."

"But those are what you want to do for a living right?"

"Yeah but its not as big or as important as what you guys are doing."

"But it's important to you, and that's what matters the most."

"If you think so Ami."

"I know so Mako."'

Ami watched as four people were talking in a crowded airport, one of them had bags around her feet.

"Are you sure you want to leave Ami? I mean, there are many places to go to school here."

As if I could stay after… THAT happened. Not bloody likely. 

"I'm sure Rei, I just need to get away, you know? Lots of memories here, not all of them good, not all bad. I just need time to sort stuff out."

"I under stand, but please call and write every now and then. Just to let us know you're alive. We'll call you as soon as you're settled."

Alive and well, they didn't call for six months AFTER they got my letter. 

A small smile.

"Of course, I'll write you guys everyday until you tell me to leave you alone."

They were already tired of me. They wanted me gone; I could see it in their eyes. 

"You know that will never happen Ami, you're our friend."

"Right, There's my flight announcement."

I just didn't want to face it that's why I left. 

"Take care of yourself Ami."

"And you guys take care as well. Tell the Outers I'm sorry they couldn't make it, and goodbye."

I didn't tell them about the hours I spent crying by myself because no one was there, they didn't want to deal with me. That's another reason on why I left. 

"Not goodbye, Ami. Just see ya."

"Right, see ya."

**

All of the Inner Senshi look through the small window on the hospital door to see Ami tossing in her sleep. Ami's mother had called them after someone brought the younger Mizuno into the hospital. The Senshi were puzzled, because the people who had taken Ami had given them a weird description of Ami's rescuer.

" She was a tall woman, long brown hair, with blue high-lights of all things, held back into a long pony tail. Strong too. She had carried the younger Dr. Mizuno a long ways, didn't even break a sweat. Most noticeable feature, I must say, was her eyes. They were the prettiest things I have seen in a long while. They were the most striking green color, but for some reason, they had a wide band of dark blue around them."

The three inner senshi blinked in confusion at this, it sounded so much like… but that was impossible, wasn't it? Rei asked the friendly nurse one more question before they would go up to their friends' room. "Did she, you know, tell you her name?" The nurse gave a smile, "Why yes she did, she said her name was Kino. Kino Ayasa."

This threw the defenders of peace and justice for a loop. Didn't Mako say? But wasn't Mako the only one? The friendly nurse smiled once more before bustling off to help some other patients and friends. Usagi shook her head, grabbed her two friends, and went up to Ami's room.

Peering through the window, they saw their small, heart broken friend writhing, tossing, and turning in her sleep.

***

Ami was in hell, or as close to it as she could get. Her mind was replaying that one scene in her head over and over again. She watched as the Youma hit Makoto, watched as the claws stole her life away. There was no reprise, no helpful figure in this raging storm of fear and hate and loss. Only the battering of emotions till Ami was a crying wreck in the darkness of unconsciousness. And then, a fissure in the darkness of despair, and a blinding white light of warmth and comfort and the smell of the grass after the rain. It chased away the darkness that covered Ami wrapped the sniffling Doctor in a warm embrace that she needed so much. Chased away the stifling despair and self hate for not being able to help. Chased away the feeling of self-worthlessness, and brought with it comfort on a level that only one thing, one _person_ could ever give Ami. 

"Ami, I know that you can hear me. I know what you are doing to yourself, and I want you to know that I don't like it. I want you to know that you won't be alone anymore. Something's coming Ami. And I'm coming with it. I'll be back, love. You and I have a destiny to fulfil, and a child to raise, and friends to see, and to grow old with each other. I'm not gonna let something like death stop me from coming back and comforting you or living with you Ami. I must come back. I love you, my darling Water Nymph. Never forget that. Be strong for me, Nymph. Be strong and be free of your guilt. For you must face the past, face the past to move into the future. I have to o, but I'll be back. I love you, with all my heart."

And Ami woke up.

***

Send Comments and stuff to thewhitelancerofantiok@hotmail.com Review please! A/N: Sorry it's so short guys. Real Life got in the way, and so did my addiction to reading fanfiction. I have banned my self of this guilty pleasure till I have written more! I'll try to get more chapters of this, and the rest of my unfinished fics out! Thanx for readin and reviewin!

Ps

Hokushin, MercuryDestiny, Isis Aurora Tomoe, and a no name; whoever ye may be, I'd like to thank you for reviewing my fic. Thanx again! 


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